[00:00:01] Unconditional Self-Worth. That’s the conversation we’re going to have here today on Self-Love Monday. How are you guys doing? This is Ron Simplified Myers, author, podcaster, and your uplifting life partner. Now, I was actually watching a video that was done on a TED talk, and this was a couple of years ago that the young lady actually did the talk. Her name is Idea, Idea, idea, idea good in Geo Odean. And she was talking about this particular topic, unconditional self-worth.
[00:00:39] And you guys know, I’ve talked about this before in terms of learning to love you, which is really all I ever talk about is love you some you, because that’s actually what is important. But one of the things that she brought up, which is why I’m doing this particular conversation as she talked about the number one. Thing that is creating mental illness in our society is not diabetes, is not cancer, it’s not the other stuff. The number one leading cause of mental illness in our society is depression. And we talk about that and we think about I mean, we’ve read it and for those that actually do the research on it, they’ll tell you that that we’re in the. Most we have more information than we’ve ever had the people can get their hands on because of the Internet and social media and all the different things, so you have all the different cultures that are out here.
[00:01:41] Yet we are the most unhealthy society, the sickest mental society. The more depression, the more suicides. How does that happen?
[00:01:54] When we have all these resources and some of it is overwhelming, there’s so much out there, people don’t know where to turn and unfortunately, a lot of it is bad information. She talked about four different ways to address this particular issue out and and first, let me share with you, even for myself, when I was younger, one of the things that family members were in on this, I’m not going to put them on blast who was doing it. But family members used to tease me. They used to call me El and the number seven, about 70, but if you put them together, you get a square. And basically that’s what was being said, is that I was a square. And people don’t realize that, of course, as kids, you don’t understand the impact of what that does, because I was I was also. My dad my parents bought a game from a teacher of mine and on one side of the game you’d get a picture of an animal or whatever it is, because it gets real deep into grammar and world history. And but we’re starting off with the basics of this program. So on one side is an animal. And on the other side, you write into the little blank spot what it is that you saw. Now, I don’t remember if it was a cat or dog, but I remember right in the blank, the opposite. And my dad popped me on the back of my head and he said, boy, you know what that is?
[00:03:33] Tommy, real quick. Education is important.
[00:03:38] And so it became a driving force for me to know that I’m worthy and I’m valuable.
[00:03:45] Is by education, gaining knowledge, and I’m still to that to this day now, hopefully I’m not doing it for the same reasons I don’t feel like, oh, but who knows, maybe it is still there.
[00:03:57] But I remember at the same time my sister did it and she made an error and my dad told her, he said, don’t worry about it, baby. That’s all right. Try again. He said, because you don’t have to worry about it because some man is going to take care of you anyway.
[00:04:14] Wow, and you guys got to remember the era in which we were it, because that’s the era in which we live. That’s why I keep when I get on relationships that we talk about, that was the era that we were in where it was man work. You take care of the family and all the woman got to do is be a woman. And that’s why you guys keep hearing me.
[00:04:34] When I have conversations, I say, and you still got people in that Stone Age thought process when we’re in a different age and most relationships now, you need both people in order to make income. I mean, in order to have a nice lifestyle. But I’m not going to get into that because that’s that’s Thursday’s conversation we’re talking about. You know, the guys when I said I want to talk about should they date being single. But, you know, I would come from both sides. But anyway, because I believe it’s the same either way. But anyway, back to the topic here.
[00:05:03] She was talking about the four different ways. What was I getting to see? I got sidetracked. And for me, I’m just saying, so what that does for your esteem and the way you feel about yourself being called a square and then some of the people at the school picked up on that and then they would call me that because I was one of those in the academically gifted programs. So all the people that were in my classes happened to be Filipinos, Japanese, Chinese, but all Asian pretty much were in my group and, you know, a handful of blacks. But but is that an all black school? And so pretty much the Asians that are in the school or in my classes. So that’s who I hung out with in nutrition and lunch because those were my classmates.
[00:05:49] So of course, that didn’t help the L7 the square. It became even more like looking to people to hang out with.
[00:05:57] And folks, I don’t know where I got it from, you know, and I’ve talked about this before, when they had the grand animals and the Tigra the little tiger patch, that was the popular shirt that meant you were somebody because you had a t shirt and mind were garran animals. Like I have an elephant, a giraffe or something. And it had a tiger and and people would laugh and tease about that. And and I would tell them, I said, but you guys aren’t that bright because I could get three shirts for what you got for one just because of a tiger.
[00:06:32] I can go get a tiger patch and put it on, if that would make me feel better and I said so you guys are really not that bright. So I’m not sure where all this strength within myself came.
[00:06:44] But what I’m saying is but the stuff was out there to try to destroy the way I saw myself. I remember an incident in high school and I’ve shared this before. But I in high school, we moved from L.A. and this was when I was we moved in a middle of my junior year. So I was 17. We moved to Orange County, which is where we moved.
[00:07:10] It was all white. So I moved from an all white, all white. I moved from an all black community to an all white community.
[00:07:19] And I was actually taking as a senior health class. And the only reason I was taking it is because in L.A. and Los Angeles, that wasn’t a requirement to graduate. But in Orange County, it was so that’s the only class that I needed as a senior in order to graduate. Really? I mean, and I never you talk about that. But the reality is, I used to go home at lunchtime, the second half of school, because I was played on the basketball team. So, you know, I was to be there for that. So the first half of the year, I was there because we had basketball practice games and all that. So and I took a couple of classes because it was no reason I was going to go there for one class. But I made sure the second half of the year I was gone by lunchtime because the only class I needed was health. But anyway, what was I getting to on the health class is because in that class, my teacher was so proud. And again, I want to preface this because this is not trying to do an ego boost or anything. I was a senior and almost everybody in the class is sophomores because in Orange County that most people took it as a sophomore, he took the health class. But again, it wasn’t required in Los Angeles. So here it is. I’m a senior with a bunch of sophomores. So for me, I took my projects a little more serious. You know, we do like a little I forgot what it was. But anyway, the project I had an actual skeleton that I drew and had different colors in. I mean, we talked about first class, typed it out top notch now s sophomore, as they said in their handwriting, everything doing all. They’re not trying to do a professional report. I’m trying to do a professional report. So bottom line is, my teacher was impressed with it.
[00:09:09] And so when another teacher came in, he showed it to this teacher. And the teacher looked at it and said. He can read. Now, folks, you know what that meant.
[00:09:23] Now we can all play the games and try to act like, oh, well, he didn’t mean anything. Folks, I know what it meant. I’m not naive. And hopefully somebody that’s they’re being naive to what was really being said. And the teacher clarified it. [00:09:37] He told him he said, yes, he’s actually one of if not my my my brightest student. And you can see just kind of. Miss that teacher up, but folks, what I’m saying, and I can go I mean, there’s a ton of story we can go through life and it’s not just me. We all have them, but the world is always tearing us down and making us doubt ourselves. And anyway, let me get to the four topics, because I was going to cover a couple of things here, but I’ll be able to address them in the four areas that she was saying was good place to start in order to get back to that self, you know, to where you have that unconditional self-worth. And one of the things she talked about is forgiving yourself, practice, self acceptance, be there for yourself when life gets rough and connect with supportive people. And I’ll cover my perspectives on those things. But I would I would tell you to go and listen to her. She she had great insight, great presentation. But these, of course, you know, with me, I’ll take what people say, and I’m going to always come from my perspectives on things that I share. And I’ll hear what they have to say. And some of the stuff makes sense to me and some of it doesn’t. But the things that she was saying, I was right on. But anyway, I still want to give my perspective on the thing. But one of the things she talked about it forgiving yourself.
[00:10:57] And you guys know again, we talked about this, you could do a 21 day because it takes 21 days for anything to become a habit now with impact.
[00:11:09] You see him saying if something hits you hard and you’re in a very high emotional state and something occurs, it could get linked up and the change can happen immediately. So all change in all habits don’t take twenty one days.
[00:11:23] They can happen instantly. Like I used the example. If you go to a doctor, doctor tells you if you smoke another cigarette, you will die. People will stop instantly. That’s impact, but they’re telling you if you don’t have that real huge impact. If you still do anything for 21 days consecutively. It will become. A habit, and so what I’m getting here is we talked about taking 21 days to every day, look yourself in the mirror, and one of those conversations is forgiving yourself.
[00:12:06] And being able to whatever it is, being able to look in the mirror and tell yourself and use your name.
[00:12:15] Ron, I forgive you for.
[00:12:22] And the way we’re teaching it, and this is I learned from Lisa Nichols, it’s like you use that particular phrase, Ron, I forgive you for it, have seven different endings. And now if you need to work on a particular thing that could be that same thing could be seven different seven times in a row. But look yourself in the mirror. Say, Ron, I forgive you for and you do this every single day for that 21 days. And this is a part of building that self-worth, because I know for some people they’re afraid to do this because they’re thinking that to love yourself and to feel that you’re worthy is almost an arrogance. And unfortunately, because that’s what’s taught in this world and it’s not.
[00:13:03] There’s a difference between arrogance and confidence. You should have the utmost confidence in yourself, in your abilities, even if you don’t know how to do it. You have the belief that you can figure out a way to get it done and are you will get it done some kind of way with the help of others.
[00:13:19] But it’s going to get done. That’s a confidence level. Arrogance is when you put people beneath you, and I’m never, ever going to teach that and I don’t believe in that Fallot. I’ve had people tell me you need a little bit of arrogance. No, you don’t. No, you don’t. Because you should never, ever believe that you’re better than anyone else for any reason. And no one is better than you either. So but anyway, so practiced that forgiving yourself. And then we’re talking about the second one she talked about is practicing self acceptance.
[00:13:52] This one I talked about a little bit last week, and that’s. You have a whole industry for ladies. The cosmetic industry, the clothing industry.
[00:14:05] The whole industry is built on you, not excepting yourself, it’s built on you looking in the mirror in and disliking the person that you see and believing that the only way you can become attractive in the only way you become worthy is by using their products, wearing the clothes.
[00:14:28] I had a young lady in the car with me one day and you know, you know how people make the comments, they go on a scale of one to 10. I said this woman would like a 15. You know, my 15. Not not because I can’t speak for you. But she got in the car, was talking about, oh, you know, I got to get my makeup on before I get to my boyfriend’s house, you know?
[00:14:52] And I said and I’m sitting here thinking, what should make up that girl bad?
[00:14:59] It but she’s been conditioned by the society how you’re supposed to look the same industry, not to accept the person she sees in the mirror, and I was glad for her from the perspective.
[00:15:14] And because she had talked about the fact that her boyfriend has told her the same thing.
[00:15:19] And that’s it, you don’t need makeup. Why are you putting on makeup? This is where I’m saying get to that again, I’ve talked about this one, I think with last week, if you want to wear makeup, cool, enjoy yourself. But if you feel you need it, that’s a problem.
[00:15:35] You have to be to look at the person in the mirror and accept the person that you see in the mirror when you got to make everything that’s on you, artificial eyelashes or fake hair is fake. You don’t say your lips is fake. I mean, your blood is fake. I mean, you go on and on everything about you. There’s nothing real. And you get with a guy and then all of a sudden he finds out this does not real. And then you go, oh, he oh, look at him. I mean, he’s no good. He’s you know, he’s so what do you want to wear anyway? But you guys know what I’m talking about. Will judge him because of the fact that he’s not interested anymore, but you bought you bought an artificial product to the table.
[00:16:17] You didn’t bring the real you to the table. How are you going to get mad at him and talking about his fake. When the whole package that was presented to him.
[00:16:27] Was fake.
[00:16:29] You want someone that loves you the way you are when I say that girls are 15, everyone is a 15 to somebody, that’s why, again, I listen to a lot of these relationship gurus and the stuff that they teach you folks if you want to use it. Roundwood But they’re teaching you how to get dates.
[00:16:51] How to dress like, listen, one guy today was talking about the certain outfits, the colors of the clothes and how you got to wear the suit and you got to wear.
[00:16:59] Yes. If you’re looking for a woman that’s interested in all of that. For me, this I love where my casual stuff, I’ll dress up when the time calls, but if you need me to be dressed up all the time, you are in trouble. I ain’t doing it. I mean, we went out to match my roommate in college.
[00:17:22] This joker wore a suit every single day, so I have no idea who would ready it through, see it from a self, a self acceptance perspective.
[00:17:34] But we go play basketball. He come up to the gym. Only thing he did was put on his tennis shoes and take off his tie. But he still had on his dress pads and his dress shirt and he out there playing basketball. And then we get to put the tie back up on his jacket and put on his shoes.
[00:17:53] And it’s just like, yes, folks, he did go home, shower, but I’m just not. When he left the gym, though, because he put his stuff back. But for him.
[00:18:04] He had to be sharp.
[00:18:08] All the time, and there are guys that are like that and they’re women that love that, that’s cool. Find a man like that ain’t Sugai. [00:18:17] I don’t want to voluntarily choke myself. If we’re going to a wedding or something, we’re going to church or we’re going to an event that caused me to dress Idris.
[00:18:27] If we’re going out for a nice dinner and you want me to dress nice young lady that I’m with, I’ll do it. But if you think that’s going to be my all the time outfit, I think the guy.
[00:18:37] I’m into to my sweats, I’m into my shorts, take me as I am, and this is the whole point of everything I keep telling.
[00:18:44] Everyone wants to tell you how to change to attract people that aren’t the right people for you there, teach you how to date, but they’re not teach you how to find the person that’s right for you. Everything that I’m talking about is learning to love you some you and you looking for a person that wants to be with you, not the person that you had to dress up.
[00:19:03] According to what some guru told you, the way to dress up, the way to present yourself, the way to talk, the way.
[00:19:09] I’m not trying to be you.
[00:19:12] I’m looking for a woman that wants Rob just the way he is now.
[00:19:17] Folks, don’t misinterpret when I say that it doesn’t mean people aren’t going to change again, like we talked about the red flags, the deal breakers.
[00:19:29] If those are out of the way and the person qualifies on your application, they qualify because they got past the red flags, but they don’t have any at all. All the other stuff we can work out, you know, saying I’m not saying.
[00:19:42] And that’s what I just said. I’m not saying I won’t dress up. But if you think I’m going to be that guy like my roommate that wear ties every day and wear suits every day, I ain’t your guy.
[00:19:52] Because I’m just not going to do it.
[00:19:55] Because it’s not me, that’s one of those for me personally, I’m not I don’t I’m not out here to impress people. That’s not my objective. So I’m not trying to dress to impress all the time we will when it’s needed.
[00:20:12] And so but anyway, this is where I’m saying.
[00:20:15] Learn to accept you as you are. Remember, as she became a good friend of mine, but she wrote a book and basically she going into like the jail cells and telling guys how to when they come out of the system, how they need to be in order to get back into the dating world. And so she’s telling guys, you know, not to wear plaids, not to do as some people go.
[00:20:35] Yeah, that’s true, folks. That’s not true. That’s someone she’s not interested in. There are some women that he’s going to have on plaid that’s going to be excited about the you understand there are people that, you know, when they talk about hippies, do you know they’re still hippies running around? Yes. What? They’re attracted to each other. So if you’re a hippie, that’s who you’re looking for, you’re not looking to come and dress up and wear the suit when you’re looking for a young lady, that’s a hippie you guys gave me.
[00:21:11] Learn to be you, and again, this is not saying you’re not looking to we’re always striving to see where can I improve, where can I get that’s just being a human being. I mean, I want to be have better character work on my tech.
[00:21:27] I want to do those things just because I’m going to be here. You guys have heard me say my dad used to tell me all the time. He said, boy, why you do all everyday. Nothing wrong with you. I’m like, man, I’ll be here anyway. I might well become a better person, a better husband, a better friend. You don’t say whatever. Why not? I won’t be here anyway. So they’ll decide anything. Want our help? We’re always striving to get our health, you know, as good as we could possibly get it. So there’s nothing wrong with those. That’s not going to make you settle because you say I love me the way I am. So you go, well, I can eat whatever I want. I know, because part of loving me is I want to make sure my health so I can be here. You guys fall. I’m automatically started looking at my health if I really love me because I look at Go man, I could barely walk up the stairs. I’m not being able to breathe. Well, you ain’t showing yourself that you love you because you just let yourself fall apart. This the only body you get and you ain’t getting another one, so you better take it of one you got.
[00:22:26] So wanting to improve that is not a bad thing, learning to accept that if I’m out of shape, that’s me, that’s where I’m at.
[00:22:36] I still love me.
[00:22:38] I still don’t I’m worthy of whatever it is I desire.
[00:22:44] But I want to work on certain things like getting my health and I work towards it, but I’m not going to look in the mirror and go look at you and start talking bad to myself.
[00:22:53] We’re not going to do that. We’re not playing that game. And that’s the whole objective here, is to make sure you understand do not play that game so hard when she’s talking about it.
[00:23:03] Be there for yourself when life gets tough or it gets rough. Folk’s life somewhere along the line, people have been conditioned to think there’s going to come a time in your life where challenges are not going to happen or problems or whatever word you want to use. Welcome to the real world. I don’t care how much money you have. I don’t care what your position is. I don’t care none of that. You are going to have challenges and problems in your life.
[00:23:39] That’s just called being a human being. Things cross your path that you’ve got to deal with.
[00:23:45] Ok, deal with them.
[00:23:48] But you may have to be in some instances. Just be there for yourself, because if you have to find, like a lot of people tell you find a coach, fine, that’s cool. If you do that or you listen to me or you listen anybody that’s great. If we give you stuff and you can use it, run with it.
[00:24:06] But what if a coach is not around right now? What are you going to do?
[00:24:11] That’s why, again, like we were talking about earlier, forgiving yourself and then practice self accepted, because you got to get good at being able to help yourself through those times. In case there’s not anyone there to do it, because that’s what our people end up with suicide or you end up doing because no one was there to coach them away from it. And they didn’t know how to coach themselves through it, you’re going to have the challenges you guys heard me say when this covid the first started, I was down for a couple of days. But because I understand this stuff, I walked myself through it. That’s why I was only down for two days versus it could have been for most people who’s going through depression still still throughout this entire thing. And they’re not totally depressed state of being right now. But it only lasted two days for me because I understood this and I was able to be there for myself and walk myself through this. So you got to get good at that.
[00:25:08] And then the fourth, when I connected with supportive people, you guys get that that may be that coach that may be a friend and may be a family, but someone that is supportive. You don’t need people that are going to bombard you with all the negativity or lead you down the path that you’re trying to get away from. You want to be there. And sometimes support might be a gut check.
[00:25:31] So be prepared, I say, and somebody is going to be your cheerleader and it will be your cheerleader, but not it in a way. Rah rah rah rah rah rah.
[00:25:39] Like, it’s all good because some of that support may be gut checking. You may say some things to you in a tone or in a way that you may not like it, but it’s what you need. And you know, the difference, if you know, is someone that cares and just what we talked about before, too, and it’s a safe place that you can go, that, you know, it’s someone who cares so you can open up. And I’m safe in this environment, sharing what’s going on and understanding.
[00:26:07] Sometimes that means I might have to get a gut check. And it may hurt because this is a real good gut check. I mean, it creates some pain when you hit meat.
[00:26:17] Could it did a little boy, Jim, but maybe it’s exactly what I needed. So those are the things to practice, forgiving yourself, practice self acceptance, be there for yourself when times get rough and connect with the supportive person or people or group. And again, that’s why some people go to church and that’s why people join different groups for that reason to find the supportive group. But make sure they’re supportive and not places that you get to go and make things worse, because all it is is just a complaining party. So but as you guys know, it ain’t right. It’s wrong. It is my opinion. Make sure you understand that you have unconditional support. Love the person you see in the mirror, no matter what the world is saying or doing. You’re valuable and you don’t need all the outside external stuff again, you guys have heard me say before, all the up, all the other stuff, you don’t need all that if you want it. Cool. But do not let this industry convince you. That you’re not attractive or you’re not worthy or you’re not whatever, because you’re not buy their product that they make money off of, well, keep that in and in and content keep it in.
[00:27:37] You know what I’m talking about. But anyway, greed over the course of five Miodrag online, you see all of the stuff I got going on, again, as Ron said, if I thought online.
[00:27:46] And for those of you of self love Monday, I’ll talk to you next Monday and then for relationship Thursday. I’ll see you Thursday. We’re talking about this dating thing. We should you date, should you be dating? If you broke, should you be dating? You know, what is it? They said the guy has to be stable, stability, financially stable. Yeah. So anyway, we’ll cover that on Thursday. And as you guys know, if you’re not having fun, you should be doing something else. I’ll talk to you guys later. Take care. Bye bye.