[00:00:00] Social Media in Your Relationship. That’s the conversation we’re going to have here today, on Relationship Thursday. How are you guys doing? This is Ron Simplified Myers, author podcaster and your uplifting life partner. Now, this conversation came into being my cousin actually sent me a link on Facebook where the conversation was around a young lady commenting about the fact that. Her boyfriend. Follows reality TV stars and. He basically DM’s them, follows them, likes their stuff, do all that kind of stuff, and the question is, is she wrong for feeling the way that she does because she doesn’t want him doing that? And of course, you had a lot of feedback, and especially from a lot of young ladies, very upset, frustrated, disappointed at the relationship go rules conversation that he gave his personal perspectives on it. And and I’m a give mine and. Basically, OK, let’s get into it. My thing is you guys hear me talk about it all the time.
[00:01:26] You take people as they are or you don’t get in a relationship with them. Do not make this more complicated than it needs to be. What am I saying?
[00:01:39] This young lady knows, I’m pretty sure if he’s a person and follows reality TV stars, he didn’t just start doing that when he started dating her. You guys follow me. So as something that he’s all already has been doing, he’s like initially. Think about it.
[00:01:55] What did most people doing on social media? Like in everything is on the page. That’s so unless you get ready to tell your partner to get off of social media.
[00:02:07] Chances are pretty good they’re going through. What are you going to tell them now? I know you used to like stuff. You used to put hearts on things. You used to put the like button or whatever. You got to cut all that out. You can still be on the Internet and on social media, but you got to cut all that. Then why are they on social media? Most people that’s all they do is they’re going through they’re looking at comedies and watching different videos and they’re like in videos and not like in videos. And in this case, the reality stars or whatever. So.
[00:02:34] The bottom line is she knew when she got in a relationship with this guy.
[00:02:41] This is what he does, if that is a red flag, we’ve talked about red flags, deal breakers, things that are no go for you, if that is a no go for her, what should she be doing?
[00:02:56] Not date them, don’t make this complicated again.
[00:03:02] You you get you run into problems when you get into a relationship and you’re trying to change people, as I always say, if you’re trying to change people, what you tell them is I don’t like who I see. So I want to create what I want. It’s not your job is not your job, because what happens when he turns around and says, I don’t like the outfits that you wear, the clothes that you go out and put, you’re in a relationship now.
[00:03:28] You used to dress very provocative and and, you know, barely nothing on. But you could do that before you cut me. But now that you’re in a relationship, you have to stop that. [00:03:41] I bet you a lot of those young ladies that were having a problem with him on Facebook, you know, going into the DBMS or whatever. They’re probably some of the young ladies to dress like that, but they would have a challenge if he all of a sudden told them that they had to dress differently, because the fact is now they’re in a relationship you guys follow.
[00:04:01] The key is you got to look at the package. Do you like the package if you don’t like the package?
[00:04:09] Don’t don’t buy it, don’t get involved with it, let it go, you don’t have to take every package. That’s the challenge. Like I see it on my application. It’s like a hiring application. You had to fill it out. You saw the red flags. You still hired them.
[00:04:27] Now you got to deal with the consequences. Don’t now all of a sudden go because somebody young ladies were saying it because it’s very, very disrespectful.
[00:04:37] Well, could be if he’s trying to get in relationships with them and then even that I’m not saying is a bad thing to do.
[00:04:46] If you guys have not had the monogamy conversation, think about it and see a lot of young ladies going to be upset when I say this. But here’s the key. If you haven’t had the conversation with the gentleman.
[00:05:01] Or the lady, because, you know, everything I teach goes both ways, but if you have not had the conversation and said it’s you and me, only we’re committed to each other, that’s the relationship I’m in. I’m not into you dating other people. I’m not dating other people. It’s just the two of us. If you haven’t had that conversation, this is not an assuming conversation. This is not a well, he knows. No, this is not a he knows. This is not a she. No, no, it’s not. Because the first thing that part person is going to do if they ever get caught cheating or doing some wrong, if they’re going to tell you.
[00:05:33] We never said we were monogamous.
[00:05:35] And you didn’t because you didn’t have the conversation, and I know, again, some people don’t like to hear when I say that they’re going well, they know quit living in that. They know the thought process and have the conversation.
[00:05:49] The reason that people aren’t having the conversation is because you don’t want to hear the answer. You don’t really want to know the answer, so you prefer to stay away from the conversation and go what he knows or she knows.
[00:06:02] Have the conversation then to make sure he or she knows then if they go out and they’re flirting and doing all that kind of stuff against other people.
[00:06:11] Now you guys want to have a conversation about because you guys have talked about this there. I’ve actually seen couples where the guys he flirts all the time or she flirt very flirtatious.
[00:06:23] And that’s OK and their relationship that works. That’s why I saw one young lady make the comment, she says Any self what does she say?
[00:06:32] Any self loving forgot the exact wording. But basically any woman that has any dignity would not allow that to happen.
[00:06:40] You can’t say that. Just because it’s very offensive to you and the fact that you don’t allow that, that’s a red flag for you. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that, but there are a lot of young ladies who are very, very confident in themselves, very, very confident in their partner and know that they’re just flirtatious, male and female again, that that’s just who they are. But they are confident that that person is not going to step over the line, because if you think just because your partner is not determined, your partner is not liking things on social media, it means they’re committed. [00:07:19] You’re living in a naive world, a person that’s going to cheat on you as a person is going to cheat on you don’t think social media is going to be the deciding factor in whether they cheat or not?
[00:07:30] This is about as you guys hear me talk about it all the time, character and integrity. That’s why I keep saying that’s what you look for in people, not the external, not how much money they got, how much car, what car they drive, why not their credit score, all the things the world keep telling you to look for. Quit looking for those things.
[00:07:47] They look for character and integrity. And does it match what you’re looking for? So if you don’t like the fact that your partner is out flirting on the Internet, you should have known that in the dating stage.
[00:08:00] And you probably did because he was flirting with you on the Internet, then don’t get a relationship with him or let him know in advance. This is something I don’t like. If he’s not willing to change, you can’t get mad at him.
[00:08:11] Because, you know, that’s what he or she does, you just get to decide whether you want to be in a relationship with them, you guys follow and it’s not to use it as a threat. Because if you use it as a threat, they’ll just sneak and do things behind your back, so you want a person who’s committed to you and where you’re headed.
[00:08:30] That’s why I said I know where you’re headed first and then find someone that goes along.
[00:08:35] There’s a there was an example that I was just thinking about that I wanted to share along these lines.
[00:08:42] Oh, it had to do with when I was doing a right here one time.
[00:08:47] I had we’re talking about something about like movie stars and I love scenes and and I instantly went in and I’m like, yea, because I know me, I could never date someone who’s an actress because when she got to do those bedroom scenes or she’s kissing another man, I ain’t going for it because she’s kissing him on the screen.
[00:09:07] She’s kissing him. That’s not fake. The world can call it fake if they want to. Their lips actually touch it. I don’t want another man’s lips on my wife’s lips. You guys follow. I don’t want my wife even looking like she’s in the bed with another. I don’t even want to imagine that. I definitely don’t want to see it on a screen.
[00:09:24] And, you know, so but the funny part was.
[00:09:28] Then, you know, I was asking you kind of how they felt about that, and the wife was an actress, like, I guess you need to find that kind of stuff before you start talking.
[00:09:40] But anyway, I just all I can tell them, I said, you know what, man?
[00:09:43] I give you props. I mean, because honestly, I’m saying for me, that’s nothing, because that’s awesome that you could be in a relationship and you guys have that kind of relationship that that trust is there, that you could look at it that way.
[00:09:56] I’m just saying for me personally, I just I don’t want to even imagine again, you guys have heard my story. That’s what changed my life with my wife, which is my girlfriend. I had a dream that I kind of cheating. That’s what made me become totally loyal. And I committed from that day forward, I’m not going to lose a woman to anyone. And I became totally loyal and committed. But what I’m saying is so that was just a story to pop a nightmare.
[00:10:24] And my I don’t want to see it on a screen even acting, because now it’s it’s visual.
[00:10:31] Again, as you guys know, we’ve talked about this before. The brain does not try to interpret. Good, bad, right, wrong, real fake doesn’t try to interpret all that. That’s what we do as human beings, so because it’s not trying to interpret what’s real and what’s not, if you keep putting that vision in your mind, it will become a reality to you whether the person is doing anything or not. That’s why, again, I tell people don’t play the games in your relationship, like who would you with your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your woman with you hang and don’t play those games.
[00:11:11] Get those games out of your relationship, because the more you say those things and you talk those things, the more they start to play in your head and the more they become real to you.
[00:11:22] And anything that your partner does, all of a sudden you start to link it together that is she really cheating? Is he really out having an affair? Is he. Don’t play the games, so anyway, so long, this with the social media.
[00:11:38] You have to decide up front.
[00:11:42] How people are handling the social media, that’s why, again, there are some couples, they don’t even they’re not even on social media. I know a lot of especially and it’s normally people that are a little bit older, but they don’t deal with social media at all. For these exact reasons that what I’m talking about is because, one, they don’t want to put their business in the field, they don’t want people looking to see who would they hanging out with? Are people assuming you sitting there hugging your brother and they think you want another man? Are you with your cousin? You guys are dancing at the club. They like, oh, she cheated on her husband. Look at her husband. I don’t see him in the picture. They don’t even want to deal with all those different kind of drama. So they don’t deal with social media at all. And that works for them. Some people have to do social media because like in my case, this is what I’m doing for a living, is is helping people to get their lives together, see the world differently, at least give them some ideas. It’s up to you how you decide to live, but at least put some more some ideas out there, some some options. And so I put myself out there.
[00:12:50] So because of that, they’re going to be things that are going to be tied to me where you’re going to have people that are saying things on my on my videos or saying things on my sites are saying and as a partner in a relationship with someone like that, you got to understand the flirting and all the other stuff and some of the things you said there, like, OK, you shouldn’t or he shouldn’t be putting those kind of things out there knowing this person is in a relationship with folks. All you’re dealing with people. There are people that are messy. There’s people that don’t care if you’re in a relationship. That’s why I keep saying is character and integrity. You got to know the person that you’re with. And if the person that you with, like me, for example, in that particular example that we’re talking about with the social media for me. If I like people like I don’t do with fake reality TV anyway, because that’s all it is, it’s fake TV anyway, but that stuff I don’t deal with.
[00:13:52] But if I was a person that was kind of following all that that kind of stuff, and if my partner had a challenge with that for me, I’m a firm believer.
[00:14:01] Pick your battles again if it’s not going against my character, my integrity, my beliefs, and it’ll make you feel good. What’s the problem? Pick your battles. And that holds true for her also because understand, that means he’s going to throw things at you that you don’t agree with that you may want to do. And are you willing to as long as it’s not against your character, your your beliefs, are you willing to let those things go? It’s a two way street. Don’t try to block him on social media. And then you’re playing on social media yourself. So as you guys know, it ain’t right in a wrong.
[00:14:40] It is my opinion, so I think I finished a story on the on the the the stars dinner, the actors.
[00:14:51] I think it did, but that one was that was funny because I just blurted it out and then found out that she was an actress.
[00:14:58] But for me personally, again, I don’t want that as an image I want so I wouldn’t get in a relationship with her. For him, that works.
[00:15:07] I hope I didn’t mess them up because now he went on to start thinking about stuff because again, like we said before, the mind doesn’t try to interpret good, bad, right or wrong, fake or all that kind of stuff. That’s what we do. But then I didn’t put some thoughts in his mind to mess them up.
[00:15:21] That wasn’t my agenda is just for me personally. There’s something to this day I still personally can’t do it. Now, again, along those lines, there were they are actors and actresses that I’ve seen that will not do love scenes because of their partner, will not kiss another person because of their partner. They’re going, I’m not going to get the charms. I’m not going to let you touch my lips. And they’ll put Phil hands for those particular scenes or whatever. You guys, I know if you want to research, you’ll see there’s some of the the most famous stars you’ll see that has done that. And so you have to take that stuff into consideration. I even heard even Denzel Washington, they were saying Denzel, when he was a lot younger, he did like a love scene with a white woman. I’ll remember what movie it was, but he got a lot of flack from black women because of that. And so he stopped doing love scenes with white women because he made it to he said, because black women are always pretty much taking the back seat. And basically the way the portrayed in the media, they’re not they’re not allowed. They’re not getting the best roles. They’re not basically just saying we have to learn to respect black women. And so for him, he took that as a personal thing. And he decided from that point on he didn’t do any scenes. I don’t know if he’s done any since didn’t. But I know he said after that point, he stopped doing love scenes with white women. Again, that’s not good or bad, right or wrong. I’m just telling you guys, if you have a partner. That understands where you’re coming from, and that’s why I said my objective is never again relationship with someone like that, that’s in acting. But if I had someone who loved and cared for me enough that those scenes, they would keep away from that.
[00:17:09] They’re not doing love scenes, sex scenes and all that kind of stuff, that I could do it if they like a comedian or they do stage where they know they could be married in a movie as long as yelling all hooked up and all that.
[00:17:20] And again, for me, I know that’s putting restrictions on them as an actress, which is why I said I wouldn’t want because I don’t want to put those restrictions on someone else when that’s their craft. You guys follow me. I want them to be able to live their vision, which is acting and not be limited because of what I personally don’t want to see and don’t want to be a part of. So, again, those just might as you guys know, they right or wrong, just in my opinion. OK. So anyway, I hope that was real clear. That’s why I wanted to go back on that real quick and tell you guys that’s just kind of where I stood in the acting and that’s why I said no.
[00:17:55] Your partner know what they’re about, character, integrity, everything, and then go from there.
[00:18:01] But as you guys know again today, right and wrong, in my opinion, for those of you that we talk on several of Monday, I look forward to talking to you on Monday. And then both those of you of self-love, I mean, a relationship Thursday. I’ll talk to you on next Thursday. Run on over to Ross Simplified Myers’ that online again run simplify my that online. You see all the things that I’ve got going on right now. And as you guys know, if you’re not having fun.
[00:18:26] You should be doing something else, get the social media, get that stuff taken care of in advance, if that’s a red flag, are deal breakers for you? Don’t cross the line, as I said, the reason that there are red flags and deal breakers. All right. Talk to you guys later. Take care. Bye bye.