00:00:01] Self Inventory. That’s the conversation we’re going to have here today on Self Love Monday.
[00:00:09] Now, this conversation came into being I was watching a young lady doing a video and she was talking about the fact that any man that she dates has to be making.
[00:00:23] You can’t make less than twice what she makes.
[00:00:28] Think about that. So what she said is the minimum you can make is twice what she does. In other words, she has a lower standard for herself than what she has for the man that she’s she’s going to date.
[00:00:45] Think about that. I know some of you never looked at it that way. You like. No, no. That’s just the way it is. He’s the breadwinner. He makes more. No, no, no, no. What you’re saying is you’re holding because, see, this is a different era. There are women that a multimillionaire jury, women that are billionaires or women that run big corporations. That’s why I keep telling people when you are out here searching for money, this is a different era. This is a different conversation. So what she’s saying is she’s going to hold herself to a certain standard, but the guy has to be twice as good as her.
[00:01:21] She also made the conversation about the fact that she she’s dated guys that make great income and they all have mistreated her. They’ve all talked down to her. They’ve all degraded or demeaned her. You know, all this I mean, which you just go, wow. I mean, first off, I always tell people you got to understand your track that what you put out so that that’s a main reason she got to do herself inventory. Because first you got to ask yourself why she keeps because all guys aren’t that way, even though some people want to believe that and they tell you that all guys are not that way. So if she keeps attracting guys like they’re like that, then there’s something that she’s putting out that’s attracting that along, why she’s having this conversation.
[00:02:09] She says, so the guys that make less than twice what she does, I will degrade. I will demean.
[00:02:16] She says that with with with I don’t know how you can say it, but like, she was proud of the fact that she puts people down and it’s like, wow.
[00:02:28] You guys know, to me, that’s a total sign of how you feel about yourself, because, as I’ve said before, there are two ways to build the tallest building. One is you build the tallest building. The other one is to tear down buildings around you. So you are the tallest. And that’s where most people live there in the tearing down other people. And here’s an example of it. She’s tearing down others so that she feels better about herself. Now, the crazy part is she knows how it feels to be degraded, demeaned and all that. And she doesn’t like it. Yes, she feels that she needs to return the favor to guys that make less than her to look down on them and beneath. [00:03:03] And it’s like, if you know how it feels, why would you turn around and do it? And secondly, where did you get the arrogance to believe that you’re better than someone else?
[00:03:13] And you guys know, I’m a strong believer that I have a challenge with arrogant people. There’s a difference in confidence and arrogance. Confidence is believing in yourself and knowing that even if you don’t know how you get it done, you believe that you’ll get it done. That’s having confidence. We all need that in strong amounts of it. Arrogance, as when you put yourself above others. No one’s better than anyone else, no one. And I always used the graveyard as the as the place that lets you know that’s true, because no matter what you gain here on the Earth, you’re going to the dirt just like everyone else, all the people you demeaned, all the people you thought you were better than you’re going to the exact same place when it’s all said and done. You’re leaving here just like they are. So it’s the perfect place that lets you know you ain’t better than nobody else.
[00:04:06] You’ve made different decisions. And because of those decisions, you have different results, doesn’t make you better, just means you made maybe better decisions.
[00:04:18] We can look at it that way. You made better decisions, but it doesn’t make you a better human being. So to ever look down a domain on someone else again tells me how you feel about yourself. And as you have a low self-esteem, which you need to build up because people that are very confident in themselves will uplift other people. Why? Because they’re confident who they are, where they’re going. So everything’s taken care of. So there’s no reason for me to demean and put you down. If anything, I want to see what can I do to lift you up? Does it make sense? And so for those of you that are curious, that’s why I keep calling myself uplifting life partner, because that’s my objective is to uplift people’s, not to put yourself above people or anything like that. But anyway but along that lines, staying with this young lady, I was just amazed to hear that she she made the comments. She says, I’m not saying it’s right because God, I was with her said so do you think that’s right? She said, I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s just the way life is singing. She’s accepted it.
[00:05:16] That’s the way her life is because of these decisions that she’s making.
[00:05:21] But that demeanor, the things that she’s saying, makes it very clear why she keeps attracting the guys that she does, because any guy that has his stuff together, he’s confident he’s in it again. He’s he’s got his stuff together. However you define that, but he’s got his stuff together.
[00:05:43] He’s not going to give a woman with that kind of conversation the time of day. As soon as she opens her mouth, he’s got.
[00:05:52] So she’s left with the guys that are going to demean and are going to put her down. Why? Because the guy’s a half character and integrity that I keep talking about. They’re not going to give her the time of day because she lacks character and integrity. You guys follow that. You have to become that which you want to attract. And so she’s attracting that which she is. And she hasn’t taken stuff infantry to realize that. And that the only way it’s ever going to change is when she starts to change her thought process. Then you start to attract differently. And so, anyway, my thing is and then I heard another young lady today kind of along the same lines in terms of not willing to take responsibility for where you are. And she was one of the things she wanted to point out was the fact that she went to this after party.
[00:06:46] And it was an event after I guess it was an all black kind of I don’t know if it was an event or some kind of show or whatever. And all the reason I’m saying it was a black event is because she made she tried to make race an issue. Now, here it is. She’s a black woman, went to the black after party, and she wasn’t allowed in by this white woman. And she wanted to keep stressing that it was this white woman that was keeping her from the event. Well, here’s the thing I’m saying you have to take self inventory. This white woman that she wants to keep making as the reason obviously led a whole bunch of other black folks in.
[00:07:25] You guys follow because if not, she wouldn’t be at the door because nobody would be inside.
[00:07:30] She would have blocked everybody, the people that are sponsoring or whatever, byone like, hey, hey, what’s going on is she could pull it off or whatever. So why is all these other black folks getting in?
[00:07:41] But she’s not she’s not willing to take responsibility for that. I listen to her conversation on other things. Just in general. She’s on other talk shows and not a list of the whole shows, because whenever she started to talk to some of the things that she said, I didn’t want to hear because it was a total turnoff. And it was a person who kind of what we’re saying that demeans and puts other people down. And as she’s not willing to take responsibility for the consequences of what she puts out, because certain people you’re going to demean and you’re going to put down are going to put you in check. And then she’s offended when they put her in check and then she’s like, they can’t take criticism or they can’t. You guys notice that she keeps deflecting and that’s what she was doing in this particular case. She was deflecting and trying to make it a race conversation instead of looking at it and saying, why is everybody else getting it?
[00:08:38] Is it me or is there something about me? Is there something I’m doing? Santa, whatever.
[00:08:43] And based on, again, a couple of things that I’ve seen, I’ve never watched, although I think it’s just a little bit that I’ve heard from her. I can’t listen to her because I personally have a challenge with people that degrade, demean other people and and people that aren’t willing to take responsibility for their situations.
[00:08:58] Because if you’re open, see, that’s a different conversation. A person that does that because you guys know this is the business that I’m in is helping folks. If you’re a person that’s open and you have that challenge, I can talk with you all day long and we could talk because you’re open to hearing and you’re looking to change where adjustments need to be made.
[00:09:17] But if you’re a person who has dug your feet in the sand and this is who I am and I’m not willing to change, I’m not willing to take responsibility for my actions because I’m going to deflect you and blame you, which is what a lot of people can’t talk about narcissism. And I don’t really get into those conversations because that my personality is what it is. But what I’m saying is when you’re a person that’s in that arena and you’re not going to take responsibility, it’s a waste of time and a waste of energy.
[00:09:46] That’s the same thing you guys have to understand.
[00:09:48] Even in relationships, if you’re with a person that is willing to accept in change, they may not be everything you’re looking for at the moment. But because they’re open to change, I have a young man that I mentor and work with and that’s what’s going on. Him and his girlfriend, they got a lot of things that they’re working through. But the awesome part is they’re young and they’re both open to hearing each other out and making adjustments. And I said I told them that in itself puts you in a whole different category in relationships because you guys are willing to have a conversation to go. I’m trying to understand you why you think the way that you think, and then let’s make adjustments so that this relationship works. So that’s my point. When you have people that are willing to listen and hear and they’re not looking for people that agree with them because those that know me know if you want someone to agree with you, I’m not the person to have a conversation with or let me know in front. You just want somebody to agree with you, because then I will say not them. Just go, oh, because I am going to agree with you.
[00:10:48] I’m just not going to say nothing because that’s what you’re looking for. If you want my opinion, be ready, it may be in agreement with you and it may not, but I’m not going to agree with you to make you feel good.
[00:11:01] Does it make sense? There is a difference. And so I’m listening to this, and this is why I said take inventory when things start to happen in your life. I’m not a person that believes if the majority says it’s wrong, then it must be wrong. Or if the majority says it right, it must be right. I’m a firm believer that majority are usually wrong. And the reason is because majority of people and don’t get offended when I say a majority of people are like sheep, majority of people are followers. We are born as individuals and as Israel saying we’re born as individuals and most die as copies. That’s real.
[00:11:38] The school teaches the school system teaches us how to be followers, how to work at a job, how to follow rules, how to do whatever you’re told, not to question authority, not to question folks. I’m not saying you have to be a rebel, but you got to ask questions.
[00:11:59] I got to understand why I’m going in the direction that I’m going. I can’t just go just because you told me to go. It’s got to make sense. Help me understand why this is the direction that we’re going that way. If somebody asked me, I can tell them why are we going in this direction? But if they asked me and I go, oh, everybody else is going that direction, folks, that’s not a good answer. [00:12:22] They used to drive my wife and my sister crazy because we used to have a conversation and and and they would tell me certain things and I go, but why do you believe that? And they go, well, my dad, my mom, whoever, I’m not concerned with what they think. I’m asking you, why do you think that way? And they used to irritate them. And if because that’s my point. I don’t care what the world said. I don’t care what your mama said. I don’t care what your daddy said. I don’t care what you cause. And I don’t care what your pastor I don’t care what I’m saying. I want to know why do you think the way you think and you got to be able to explain that? I’m not saying because I’m telling you got to explain why you need to feel that way, that you got to understand why you’re doing it or you shouldn’t be doing it. Don’t do stuff because the world told you to do what you are. Two of them are making the wrong errors. One of the things I did in the financial service industry, only two percent of people retire wealthy to two percent. I think the number has been a long time since I did it, but I think it’s like ninety ninety two or ninety three percent of maybe maybe it was a little luck, maybe was high eighties, but the bottom line is over 80 percent, so more than eight out of ten.
[00:13:32] But I think it was like ninety something to be honest I know was in the nineties because I think it was four percent are OK and I think that’s what it is, a four percent. We’re OK. Ninety four percent retire break. Ninety four percent of America. And I say race. I said Americans, 94 percent retire.
[00:13:53] That means you can’t follow them. They’re making the wrong choices. And it’s not just finances. It’s in most areas of their life. That’s why relationships don’t work. They don’t know. And I’m not saying don’t take advice from anybody because you wouldn’t you wouldn’t be listening what I’m talking to. But I’m saying you way what people say. That’s why I said don’t be a person who says I don’t care what other people think. That’s why I don’t teach that, because I need to care what people think, because some of the information might be teaching me a lesson I need to learn. But if I don’t care what nobody thinks, I’m not listening. Why? Because I think I know it all and I think my way is the right way and I don’t need to change.
[00:14:34] And that to me. Oh, that’s scary. When you hear people go, this is just I am really this is it.
[00:14:41] You’re not looking to grow so you don’t spend the same life being the person that you create. If I for many years, whatever age you are today, today, if you’re 40, that means you’re going to let the first 40 years of your life dictate the next 30, 40 years.
[00:14:54] You’re not willing to learn anything else and grow. And wow, that’s scary. So in other words, you did already. They just haven’t buried you. And unfortunately, there’s something we heard and we we’ve heard a long time ago. I said most people die at the age of twenty five and just aren’t buried until they’re 65. Oh, scary.
[00:15:16] Unfortunately true. And that’s because what we’re talking about, because most people are followers, most people stop thinking for themselves.
[00:15:23] Most people just whatever you tell them, they go with the flow. So the idea behind this is for you to start taking self inventory, for you to start looking at yourself and go what is happening around me, though?
[00:15:36] Because everybody’s not wrong now. You know, as I say, a majority is not telling you. Right. But everybody is wrong. If everybody’s telling you a jerk, chances are you’re a jerk. So you got to be willing to take the selfish. Victory and goal is just what I continue to get everywhere I go, this is the response that I’m getting.
[00:15:59] And so. I kind of look at me and I got to start to make some adjustments, maybe the right, as you guys know, I say it ain’t right and wrong in my opinion, but maybe they’re right.
[00:16:14] Maybe maybe they have a point here and I need to take that here.
[00:16:18] So anyway, in this case, that’s really the whole conversation here that I wanted to have with you guys today is be willing to look at your life, to look at your situation, take some inventory and stop blaming the world. Quit looking at it.
[00:16:31] Saying it’s because of your race is because you’re a woman, is because only because you’re a man or only because you come from this neighborhood. [00:16:40] Folks, that’s not saying that doesn’t hold true. There are a lot of instances that that’s going to hold true. I’ll share that with someone yesterday. There’s a lot of this is because if you’re around me, you never hear me having these conversations about because I’m black or I don’t have those kind of I don’t live in that arena. But I can tell you a whole bunch of incidents that have happened throughout my life that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt.
[00:17:03] What occurred was because of race, I was sharing that with a gentleman. One time he told me, he said he said, well, you’re not black. And I was like. Really? Hmmm, that’s possible, and I said, I mean, the world would classify me dad, I said, well, why do you believe that? And they said, I don’t know. I just can’t tell. I said, no, you know why? Because obviously you’re measuring me to something else and you just don’t want to tell me what you’re measuring me to. So what do you measure me to? And he said, I just you just know. And it’s just something I just don’t get. And I said, Why? Because I’m not running around using the N-word.
[00:17:42] I’m not grabbing my crotch. In other words, I’m not acting ghetto.
[00:17:46] I’m not acting like I don’t have no sense. And I said, and that’s a shame. If that’s your definition of what a black person is, that’s just like there are some people that will tell you if you talk proper English.
[00:17:58] That you’re being white as a black man, and I always laugh at that, I said, no, that’s being educated in using the English language. Now, some people talk slang, you know, they’ll talk about what slang is or what Ebonics is or whatever languages you want to call it.
[00:18:16] But that’s what those are. And we’ve you speak speaking that if I’m speaking Ebonics and speak any bannocks, you know, even though I made up language. But still, that’s what I’m speaking.
[00:18:23] But I’m actually speaking English and I’m speaking proper. That doesn’t make it white. That makes it speaking proper English. We got to get away from all these stereotypes and saying what things mean and demeaning. And in this case, you’re demeaning your own race in the process of trying to demean me because your definition of what a black person is is negative.
[00:18:53] And I was telling them, I said, work on your definition of defining what black really is because you need help.
[00:18:59] But anyway, I don’t know how I got off on that conversation, but my whole point here is if you’re around me, you know, I don’t I don’t hanging over arena, those are not the conversations or that’s why I use that word, because I told them, here’s the difference in you and I. You look at your self as being black first and then being a person. I look at myself as being a person who happens to be black.
[00:19:22] And he said, well, you can’t make that definition because the world doesn’t let you make that decision. I said, no, no, no, the world doesn’t let you make that decision.
[00:19:30] The world doesn’t define for me. And that’s my point of what I’m trying to teach here. Do not let the world define things for you. Hear what they’re saying, see if it works for you. If it does run with it.
[00:19:45] If it’s not, be willing to stand up and be strong for what you believe in and don’t let the world dictate that. So that’s kind of what I was getting to that gentleman. I said because and the reason I was saying that again is to let you guys know. So when incidents happen to me, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt first, because I look at myself as a person first black knight before I bring race in. That’s why I said, if you’re around me, you won’t you won’t hear those kind of conversations. And and that’s why I said, but I have a bunch of stories I can share with you that I know that will pass the test and let you know beyond a shadow of a doubt.
[00:20:21] It had to do with race, but again, and the reason I’m sharing with that is because to have had the experiences that I have and to still have the same belief in mankind that I have, people would be like, wow, that’s amazing.
[00:20:35] Again, because I don’t let the world make my decisions for me. And that’s really what I’m saying here. Take self inventory. Look at yourself. [00:20:44] If the world is sharing something with you, weigh it, see if it’s accurate, see if it works, make the adjustments if you need to, and if not, continue to believe the way you believe.
[00:20:56] That’s why I believe to see myself as a person first. And I will always do that. Why I’m not going to let the world define me for me. So again, take some inventory, look at yourself. Quit blaming the world if things are happening.
[00:21:14] Say, what could I have done differently and again, as I always keep saying, this is not about beat yourself up time. That’s not what I’m teaching. This is about being willing to step back, look at the situation, weigh it.
[00:21:29] And see, where can I make adjustments that better suit me to get me to where I want to go? And as you guys know it, a right and a wrong. It is my opinion.
[00:21:41] Now, for those of you that we talk on on relationship Thursday, I look forward to seeing you coming this Thursday. For those of you yourself last Monday, I look forward to talking to you next Monday. Run over to simplify Myers online. Again, Ron simplified my thought online. You can see everything that I got going on.
[00:21:58] And I appreciate you checking in SMS messages. Let me know some things, some topics you’d like for me to talk on feedback from the from the past and things that you’ve heard, podcasts and videos and that type of stuff. And let me know I’m on track.
[00:22:13] Off track. Crazy.
[00:22:16] Share with me your input is definitely appreciated. And again, as you guys know, if you’re not having fun, you should be doing something else.
[00:22:24] I’ll talk to you guys. Take care. Bye bye.