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[00:00:00] I Can’t Win For Losing. That’s the conversation we’re going to have today on relationship Thursday. How are you doing? This is Ron Simplified Myers, author of the book The Relationship Success Handbook Get Rid of Your Problems, Not Your Partner.

[00:00:17] Now, I wanted to talk about this particular topic because too many people live in this arena where it’s usually said I can’t win for losing. Or another way people will put it as they’ll say, if it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. And both of those are self-defeating. And I don’t you know, I try my best to if I can help you, if you’re open to changing your thought process, then I’m willing to talk to and help people through that step. But if you’re a person who wants to stay in that kind of mindset, then I’m probably not going to hang around you. And in the reason for that is, is you’re sabotaging yourself. And to me, there’s nothing worse than to watch somebody actually sabotage themselves. Because, as you guys know, my goal is to simplify your life, get you out of here and enjoying it, having fun.

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[00:01:10] And and if you’re determined to just be depressed, I don’t want to join you. Now if you want to come over. You know, I’ve talked about being on a different path, different road? If you want to be on the road, that’s here to enjoy yourself. Come on, man, lets, or lady. You know, come on, let’s hang out. Let’s enjoy yourself.

[00:01:28] But anyway, what I was thinking about that because, like, even when I played sports or even when I would go to the park, so even now if I go to the park and play basketball.

[00:01:40] And you know how people will say, ah man, their team is stacked. They got they got all the good players, man, we gonna get killed. For me personally, same thought process. I don’t want to play with you. If you’re on my team. And that’s your thought process, I don’t wanna play with you. Either go join their team or I’ll sit out. Let somebody sub for me and I’ll play the next game. I don’t want to play with you. Why? Back to what I said. I believe no one knows their full potential and most people don’t live to their full potential. That’s why when I hear people, you’re not at living to your potential. We have no idea what human beings are capable of. So to ever sell yourself short is not a good place to hang out. See, when people say people exceeded expectations. Yes, your expectations. That’s the key. Don’t let someone else put expectations on you. They’re basically telling you that you exceeded my expectations. Good.

[00:02:39] That’s why I’m living my life according to your expectations, because obviously they’re not that high for me and I’m going to push myself to be the best I can be. And because of that tought mentality, the chances of getting to arenas where you win, where you’re quote-unquote, not supposed to?

[00:02:55] That’s why especially college sports, where, you know, you have they have a playoff system now, but a lot of playoffs where you have the single elimination, like basketball in the tournament, the college tournament where single elimination, a lot of teams, a lot of times the best team doesn’t actually win.

[00:03:15] Why, because a single elimination doesn’t mean that, I mean, because sometimes teams play and they have an off night for whatever reason, their shots are not going down or whatever, They maybe, took the other team light. They didn’t play all out and the other team, came into played all out. See, that’s my attitude. That’s why even if I go to the park, if you not go play all out, then I don’t want to play with you because I know the chances of us winning are very good if we got everybody on the team that sold on winning, especially if you’re playing at a park, because guys do get, you know, very arrogant, you know, like “Man, look at the people in the squad. They ain’t got a chance.” And they go through the motions. All you gotta do is play hard. Next thing you know, they’re scraping and scrambling, trying to get back in the game. Too late. Now, they sitting on the sideline, talking about “Man,

[00:04:08] I can’t believe we lost to them. We know we had the squad. What’s up?” Because you didn’t come to play.

[00:04:16] You took people lightly. Now, what does that have to do with relationships? It has to do with the fact of the same thing. If you believe that you look at a person and you think they’re too good for you, that you’re not qualified for them. You guys follow me? That you’re not going to go after them and you’re not going to give what you have. Why? Because you’re selling yourself short. You can’t live your life that way. You have to be able to say, I can have anything I’m willing to put my mind to and go after and then go after it and make it happen. If you feel that way in a relationship, that, “Man, relationships don’t work. Man, I’ve always had bad luck any time I got into relationships. They just, it’s just the way it is.” You hear all that defeating conversation. How would you ever expect to, quote unquote, have good luck or to find the right person or to get a victory? If your mindset is already messed up to begin with. You’re already in a defeated perspective. You already like, game over. I remember and I’m not really a boxing fan, I probably haven’t really been boxing fans since Sugar Ray Leonard was actually a boxer. So those that know boxing, know that’s a long time ago. But I remember Muhammad Ali would always tell, you know what, not always. But there are fights where he would predict what round he would knock people out and he’d do it.

[00:05:45] Why? Because he had those people so messed up when they came in the ring. They were defeated before the fight. And he said I’m gonna knock you out in the third round, the whole third round. You know, mentally, they’re thinking, “I can’t get knocked out in the third. I can’t get knocked out in the third. Because the fact is, he said he got knocked down in the third. So I know he’s coming all out and I got to be prepared.” Well, what happens is because your mind is not focused on what you’re doing, you’re not giving everything you have because you’re too focused on the wrong stuff. You’re focused on not getting caught with a punch. So he doesn’t fulfill what he said. And you guys know in life, whatever it is you keep saying, I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want it to happen. It happens. Why? That which you focus on becomes reality. Think about that. That which you focus on becomes reality. Whether we want to call it good or bad because only we get to define it as good or bad. But whatever you focus on becomes your reality. So if you’re a person that believes that you can’t find the right partner or the right partner doesn’t exist. How are you going to ever find them? They could be standing right next to you. You would never give them the time of day or you’re going to do something to sabotage it. Think about that.

[00:07:05] If you believe relationships don’t work or you believe and which is kind of I can’t win, I can’t win in relationships. And that’s kind of where when I’m tying all this in or the bad luck, because every time I get a relationship, I find out there’s something wrong with her or there’s something wrong with him. And I just I just can’t, I just can’t get things to go my way. If you have that mentality, you can run across a person that fits exactly what you’re looking for. Can be that person to to break this string of bad luck.

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[00:07:38] Ah, they can’t win and turn it into a victory. But guess what you’re going to do. You’re going to destroy it. You’re going to cause it to end up into a loss or bad luck. Why? Because of your thoughts, you’re going to start doing things to sabotage the relationship. You’re going to start, if they don’t come at a certain time, you’re going to accuse them of cheating on you or doing something wrong or at certain times you’re supposed to be at places; You’re not going to show up on time. But you’re going to start doing different things. And unfortunately for most people, it’s unconscious. You don’t even recognize that you’re doing it, but you’ll find a way to sabotage that which you say you truly want. So you have to change that thought process. And that’s why I said for me, and that’s why I started off with the can’t win the bad luck, because to me it all falls in the same category. You got to step into every game believing there’s an opportunity for me to win. And as long as there’s an opportunity and that’s why I say, folks, things happen. Sometimes injury happens to people which we’re never going to wish any bad luck on somebody. But you’ll get beat by a team who had an injury because you came into the game believing you couldn’t win. So even if they start losing key players, they still beat you. And there’s no way they should have beat you without the key people. But you came in with a defeated mentality versus coming in saying, I don’t care who steps on the court, on the field.

[00:09:12] You gon have to beat me because I’m giving everything I have. And that’s the same thing in relationships. You’ve got to be willing to say I’m a give everything I have, which is why I know I’m going to attract the person I say I want. But first, get us together. You guys know, I keep saying the same thing. Let’s get you together, which is really the whole idea of this whole conversation. If you have the can’t win on a bad luck thought process, we got to correct that first. Isn’t it amazing how everything always keeps running back to the same starting point, which is you get rid of your problems, your thought process. So that’s why, again, we talk about on Self-Love Monday, but that’s why that’s so important. We got to start there, get that taken care of and this other stuff. We start winning at everything that we do. So don’t ever step into a relationship. Don’t step into any situation, any challenges in life with the attitude. [00:10:06] I can’t win or with the attitude, “Man. I know it’s not going to work because I just have bad luck.” Folks, I truly believe if that’s your mentality, just go back to bed.

[00:10:19] You know I’m kidding. Don’t go back to bed, because that’s the worst thing you need to do. We don’t want you living in that. But um, I’m just using that, just so you understand, saying because you basically have you’ve messed up that opportunity by that mindset.

[00:10:34] And again, please don’t go back to bed. I’d rather you take the time to say, OK, I recognize, remember we get to “pause” as human beings. That’s the beautiful part. You get to say, wow, I have a defeatist mentality. I have a defeated thought process. I’m looking at her. And those you guys know, I’ve shared this story before where I accidentally ended up on a dating site and I didn’t know. I mean, it was it was I came across a picture on one of my social media and it was a picture of me and my wife. And so I was like, OK, I need to update all my social media’s, you know, because those of you who know my story or don’t know my story, I lost my wife six years ago to cancer. So for my social media stuff, you know, I was like, OK, that’s been six years ago. And so anything that still has pictures of her and I hanging out, and this is not a negative and I hope you guys understand that to pull her pictures off. But it’s it’s you know, if I’m taking pictures and people start to see that they don’t know my story, they start to say, why is he still taking pictures?

[00:11:38] Or still got all these pictures floating up of him and his wife and and and of course, the ladies would be wondering, saying he ain’t moved on and, you guys know, I would hear that story be like he ain’t moved on. He’s still taking pictures and got those everywhere, social media of his wife, so and so.

[00:11:55] It’s not a negative. It’s just saying, in my current situation, I am single. So therefore, if I’m out here marketing, I am single. So that’s what I have to show it as. And so anyway, I was looking at one of those pictures and I decided to go and change the picture. And.

[00:12:15] All of a sudden, they’re asking these questions and I’m sitting there going, why are you asking me all these questions? Like, what were some of the questions it was asking? Like. What you know, do you like this, do you know, like sporting or do you like, you know, basically just a question, just a survey and I’m going like, I don’t really care. I just want to change my picture. So why you guys asking me all? So I’m just checking off and answering questions. And then eventually I got to the point where I was like, I’m not answering any more questions. I’m like, I’m done. And so I’m just like, forget. I’m just not going to change my picture if I got to go through all this. And then as I was about to click out, I noticed it was one of the dating sites and I’m like, whoa, now how did I end up on the dating site? You know, I’m like, that’s crazy. So I had actually closed out of it and I was like “Man,

[00:13:08] I didn’t mean to be on no dating site. And I was talking to my nephew and sharing that with him. And he said, Well, uncle, you’ve always told me everything happens for a reason and there’s a reason this occurred. So you ended up on that page for a reason. And I’m sitting here like, I ain’t trying to get on a dating site.

[00:13:24] You know, that’s kind of the thought process I’m having with myself.

[00:13:28] I know that’s what I said, because you know what we tell people and what we do a lot of times ain’t the same thing, but I was like, I’m not trying to get on no dating site, you know, that’s kind of the thought process. And so I’m like, OK, OK, you’re right. I have said that. So let me go do it. So I went back and I completed it and I was just looking on the site and I was probably on page ten-fifteen and I hadn’t found anyone that I was attracted to. Now, I know some of you probably go, Ooo, he’s so shallow. How you get to page ten or 15 and you ain’t found nobody. Folks in the beginning, whether people like to hear this or not, physical attraction is what’s going to draw you in. Why?

[00:14:05] Because you don’t know them. I don’t know them. I don’t know if the stuff on their profile is correct. I really don’t even know if the picture is accurate because we know how many times people put pictures in that ain’t really them or they use their high school picture or whatever. But you guys know what I’m talking about, so none of that. But if I have to start at a starting point, she’s got to be at least be someone that I’m physically attracted to, to at least draw me in. It’s the same thing when you first meet a person, if they’re sitting there and the shirts are sloppy and and the hair look like the chances of of you being attracted them probably pretty slim because you’re instantly, this is the first appearance.

[00:14:46] So you’re writing your own stories about them, whether they’re accurate or not, but you’re still writing your story. So in the beginning, that’s all you have to go by. So basically I was at page ten or fifteen and I finally found someone that physically I was like, whoa, oh, oh. That is what well alright. She she’s got it going on. So I started reading her profile and then I started looking at some of her pictures and she, you know, she had been she’s been divorced and and but I saw her husband used to be a doctor and I saw the places on her pictures, you know, where she had been eating at and the different restaurants and the horse riding and croquet and all this different stuff. And I’m like, oh, so. So she’s used to that lifestyle of financial abundance.

[00:15:29] And I’m sitting there and all of a sudden inside of me, that defeated mentality came in, to where I started to think. Man, there ain’t no way in the world I could get this girl, I’m not good enough for her, it’s like, she’ll judge me.

[00:15:44] I did that. You see Folks? I did. She didn’t do nothing. The girl, even heard from me, heard about me or nothing. I wrote that story. And I was like.

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[00:15:56] And folks, I ended up getting off the Internet and it just hit me and I’m like, man, I had a long conversation with myself that night and it hit me. It said, that’s the reason you signed up for that site. You lost yourself, Ron. Somewhere along the line, you you bought into the fact that you believe there’s some woman out here that you’re not good enough for, I was like, oh, my goodness, because I have never been a person that thought that I’ve never been a person who looked at any woman says she’s too fine for me, she’s too good for me.

[00:16:33] That didn’t exist somewhere along the line. I lost that thought process of me, which means the way I felt about myself was not good.

[00:16:43] And I was like, oh, whoa, wake up time!!!

[00:16:50] And that’s when I got focused. And I said, and this is also when I got back on track with all my my my programs and everything else, because I said, you’re not even practicing what you’re talking about.

[00:17:01] You lowered your self-esteem. You lost yourself somewhere along this line. Regain Your Championship. Those that have heard me tell the story. You got the belt around your waist. You forgot you a champion. And I had to look down and go, wait a minute, I’m a champion. Ain’t no woman out here that’s too good for me. I don’t care how much money she has. I don’t care how fine she is. Right. You gotta get you get your thought process back in shape.

[00:17:29] And I did, and that’s what inspired me to go out here and start getting back into all the stuff that I’m doing, and for those of you that I wonder, yeah, I sent a message to her. I never got a response, you know, but I stepped into the game because the fact is and I don’t know, maybe she looked at my profile, wasn’t excited or whatever, it doesn’t really matter. But I took the step because I had that conversation and said, you know what, ain’t no woman that good. And I hope I don’t offend any of you in the process, but I want you to know that, ain’t no woman too good. And you got to get to that point in yourself to understand that, never have that defeating. I’m not good enough. I’m not valuable enough. I can’t win. I can’t be victorious any of that. Any of that stuff you let go out the back door and you step in every game to win.

[00:18:18] Because the opportunity is always doors are always going to be open, but if you don’t even step in, you ain’t even got a chance. As far as the saying says, you can’t make any free throw talk about basketball, for example. You can’t make any shot. That’s the example. Says you can’t make any shot that you don’t take. That’s real. So you got to at least get in the game. At least put the shot up. Only then do you have a chance. And so that’s why I took my shot. Never heard anything. But it didn’t faze me one way or the other. I had to do that for myself because I had to recognize. Oh, no, no, we ain’t playing that game. Oh, no. We ain’t living in that arena. Nobody, no one. No human being. Is too good for you. So I hope you guys got the point. The whole idea if we got that defeated mentality, let’s change that. Let’s go out here and let’s win. And as you guys know, “It ain’t right. It ain’t wrong.

[00:19:22] It’s my opinion.” So for those of you who we talk on Self Love Monday, I look forward to talking to you on Monday for those of you on Relationship Thursday.

[00:19:31] I look forward to talking to you again back here next Thursday. But folks, just remember, you can’t have a defeating mentality, you can’t have the bad luck mentality, you got to get all of that correct in order to attract the person that you say you truly desire so that you don’t end up settling because the fact is you bought into bad programming. So as you guys know, “If you’re not having fun, you should be doing something else.” I’ll talk to you later. Take care. Bye bye.