[00:00:01] Forget The Dating Rules. That’s the conversation we’re going to have here today, on Relationship Thursday. How are you guys doing? This is Ron Simplified Myers, Author. Podcaster and Uplifting Life Partner. Now, this particular conversation came into being because a couple of days ago I was watching the comedian Gary Owens.
[00:00:20] And for those of you who don’t know and not that it matters because I’m not a person who gets caught in a racial thing, but he’s a white guy who married a black woman. And that’s usually mostly his whole comedy is kind of geared around the things that he’s learned being married to a black woman. So it’s really funny. Have you guys ever had a chance to hear Jiggy Marty? He’s really funny. You know, the things that he’s had to experience, the things that he’s learned and the way he shares them, of course. But what he talked about, it was him and his wife doing kind of an interview. And she said one of the things that kind of and treat her is the fact that he ignored all the rules, like when he got her phone number, she said he didn’t wait three days. You know, like the rule will say is that you wait three days to call. And that kind of was exciting to her, that here’s a guy. And she she was just basically said throughout the time they were talking and getting to know each other, he just didn’t live by any of the rules. The guys that she dated before him had like four and five jobs. And all he was doing was going to do comedy. And he was like, well, I’m doing a show over here this week and I might be doing one over here next week. And she’s looking at him crazy because she’s used to these guys having four and five jobs. And she looked at him like, what else? He said, I don’t want to do nothing else but those things. He’s going against everything that the rules that she had been hearing are being taught and that actually excited her. And the reason for that is and I keep trying to tell people it’s about it’s about being authentic.
[00:02:05] It’s about being you. It’s about finding a person that’s interested in you. I was talking to another young man tonight. Matter of fact, that I mentor. And he was telling me about the things with the young lady that he’s dating now, all the different things that he said his other girlfriends never did. And this girl is crazy how all these things with her are going on and their relationship. He’s getting closer and closer to her because of the adjustments that she’s willing to make as he’s making adjustments also. But, you know, they talk and they communicate and this and that. And I told him, I said, you’re supposed to that’s the way it’s supposed to work. See, there’s this thing that for some reason, people don’t think about this.
[00:02:51] And this is what I was sharing with him, is we talk about there’s only there’s a small segment of people out there that you will be attracted to small like some women will say, there’s not many men out here. And I said there’s a ton of men flown everywhere. They everywhere you go, there’s a bunch of men. The key is as you start to become very clear and again, we know as we do self-love money and we start to get ourselves together, we get more clarity in what we’re looking for. An example here, as I said, if your qualification for a guy is he just has to look good, then there’s a limited number of guys who are cute, handsome, whatever words you want to use.
[00:03:37] And that means the pool is is humongous. But then all of a sudden you say, but he has to be cute and he also has to have a job. Well, guess what? All the good looking guy said don’t have jobs, just fell off the list. So now the qualifications, the more qualifications you put on there, guy start to drop off. And that’s what I was telling him with her, the same thing.
[00:04:02] The more the relationships you’ve had in the past, which again, I’ve shared understand all the relationships that you had, are preparing you to get more clarity on what you want in the future. And as a part of developing, you saw that like in this case, when a woman shows up that does certain things and he’s like, wow, I said, that’s how you find the one she’s supposed to be different. And people, again, they don’t think about that is like the more you clarity you get, the list is supposed to be smaller. They’re not supposed to be a bunch of guys. They qualify.
[00:04:40] There’s not supposed to be a bunch of women. They qualify. That’s how you’re going to find the one. Does that make sense? There’s a lot of people that you may go on dates with, and that’s a reason for me. I always share about dating, dating to just going out and having a time and quit trying to interview people and and all. I just get to know people. And you’ve come across now, if you want people, you’d think you’re running out of time interview.
[00:05:06] I personally am against interviewing because the reality is, is you’re putting too much pressure on the actual date that doesn’t need to be there. And if all you want to do is interview people, do that over the telephone.
[00:05:22] You can interview what I want on a date. Why go out with a person and waste your time and waste theirs if you just want to interview people, if you want to see their physical score and all you can, how to interview over the telephone it. And chances are they will tell you why. Because you shouldn’t get that information when they’re just meeting coordinator. None of your business.
[00:05:40] And so my thing is, if you’re interviewing me personally, we’re done. I’m not I’m not here to interview. I’m here to go out and enjoy life and in the process, that’s how you’re going to find the right person, because you get past, as you guys have heard me say, you get past the external things that that that was almost irrelevant. But the world is what I meant. Keeps telling you about a partner. Will Smith said this the other day and I start laughing. He made the comment, he said. One thing that he has learned about relationships, there is no amount of money that will make a relationship work. Let me say it again, he said he has learned there is no amount of money that will make a relationship work. My point exactly.
[00:06:32] So again, I know some of you still aren’t listening and can’t hear me when I keep saying quit having these conversations on FICO scores and an income and all the stuff that everybody keeps talking about, which are not. You’re looking for the internal stuff, the connection. We can do the external stuff together. We can accumulate the money, we can accumulate the card, we can accumulate all the external stuff. We could do that together, find the person who matches with you. And that’s why he’s saying that, because those that have heard some of the stuff recently going on in their relationship, you understand what he’s talking about. They got money. Pretty sure they got they probably got an incredible FICO score.
[00:07:14] But that wasn’t helping their relationships because the world, again, is sharing bad information. So anyway, what I was getting to today, I got sidetracked there is breaking the rules. And that is kind of breaking the rule, just just that conversation, because that’s what people keep sharing out here. As far as that’s what you’re looking for. Forget that that that stuff, in listening to that kind of conversation is coming from people who have been in relationships that don’t work, are in relationships that are shaky and probably end up going to crash. Because the fact is, again, as I keep saying, if you focus on the external stuff, it’s only time before that relationship will fall apart because external things change, external things break, external things disappear. And if that’s what your relationship is set on. Jazz is a very, very good. It won’t last so anyway, but the breaking the rules kind of when I’ve talked about a couple of days ago, the gentleman that was. His his rule that he was putting out there and understand these rules of things that people are coming and coming up with on their own, but he came up with the rule of law. You shouldn’t if you’re going after a woman and she’s not interested in you, then don’t do it because it didn’t work for him. OK, that’s his rule. Don’t listen to it, OK, because it’s not true, I partially went after a young lady who told me that she would never date me, never give me a number all he’s never, never, never, never. I went after she became my wife. We were together for 32 years. So. So that was bad information. The rule, you know, as we talked about before, those you’ve never heard me talk about the 90 day rule where it’s kind of you wait 90 days before you actually go to bed with someone.
[00:09:02] Now, I understand the premise, which is you want to get to know a person who I think you need to do that, but a calendar should never make that decision for you. I remember saying that to someone one time and she’s like, oh, well, that’s not what he really meant. Like actually 90 days. Then obviously you didn’t read his book.
[00:09:23] And we’re told by Steve Harvey, for those of you who don’t know it, because in his book, he talks about the 90 day rule and that’s kind of how it really got started. And he says on day 90, he’s telling you how to get dressed up and all this kind of stuff. So he literally said 90 days. So that’s a rule that I totally disagree with. The only part of it. And I’m I agree. It’s getting to know people the most valuable thing you will ever have, you will ever possess, you will ever come in contact with a person, place or thing, you that’s it most valuable you ever have. Why would you put you on a calendar? It’s never made sense to me, but that’s become a popular conversation, the 90 day rule I tell people, trust me, back in my days when I was out here acting up, I can wait 90 days. We wait six months for you. Wait however long you need to wait. Whatever makes you happy. That didn’t mean I wasn’t out there messing around with somebody else. You guys give me don’t be fooled thinking the 90 days tells you anything. It gives you a chance to get to know a person a little bit better, which is what you should be doing anyway, the sexual part only you get to decide that. But please don’t let it be because a calendar, because of a 90 day, again, those who say, well, if you go before 90 days. You know, he may not respect you if he’s if he’s a person who doesn’t respect women, are you saying I’ll do it anyway?
[00:10:59] You can weigh ninety five point ninety five a day. If he’s not going to respect you, he’s not going to respect you because he’d be the guy that weighed ninety five days. He get you in any back to the real him, if that’s the game that he’s playing, a person that has high integrity, high character, has high integrity and high character.
[00:11:16] That’s simple. They can totally respect you and don’t agree with what you do, which in your life. So you’re going to bed with them again. Like I tell people before, there’s hookers to get. Maybe that’s a wrong word. I don’t know. Is that a bad word? But anyway, the ladies of the night or however we want to say politically correct. So I’m not offended anyone, but. They’re prostitutes, they get married every single day, there are guys that know that they’re women, prostitutes and still Marija. So this, you know, figuring it out, that’s again, like I’m saying, the rules don’t let anyone try to tell you any kind of rule. That’s why, again, everything I try to share is get you together, figure out what you’re going for, and you find somebody to connect and quit trying to follow some rules that people are putting out here because all people are doing is giving you their views, their perspectives. And that’s why you hear me keep saying it ain’t right anything wrong, in my opinion, because that’s all they are. All these rules are people’s opinions. Do not use their opinions to guide your life. And that includes me, the stuff that I’m sharing again of my opinions, take them the things that work, use them, the things that don’t let them slide, let them roll, you know, whatever. Again, the whole concept here of this conversation is because of the Garryowen thing is the rules.
[00:12:53] Quit going out here trying to find someone based on the rules and eliminating people based on rules when the rules are other people’s opinions, I’m not going to ask you to pick my my partner for me. And that’s what you’re doing when you’re taking other people’s opinion. Again, there’s nothing wrong with taking people’s experiences in that kind of stuff, and it gives you different ways to see things, which is hopefully the stuff that I share give you that opportunity to do that. But don’t get caught. And following rules and letting rules, as you guys heard me say before, they’re called rules, B.S. rules. That’s what they are. And let those make your dating decisions for you. Even even some of the ladies I’ve had when I drove, you know, the way they dressed, the outfits that they wore, some of them, as you guys know, pretty much they ain’t got nothing on. Well, for my rules, you need to go put some clothes on, because for me personally, I’m not trying to get in a relationship with someone like that. My rules, and that’s why that’s why, again, I’m sharing these by breaking rules, because that doesn’t mean if you want to dress like that, you shouldn’t because a woman that doesn’t wear any clothes out in public, I love that at the house.
[00:14:21] Don’t get me wrong at home. That’s cool.
[00:14:27] Not in public. I don’t need you showing everything I’m public, and again, that’s not saying good, bad, right or wrong. I had a. Just gentlemen in Miller, because his girlfriend now, when he met her, she was half dressed, he was dating to no one. She usually have dress and she was get ready to go out one night and and you could see the smoke coming out his nose and not his ears. And he was hot because she was about to go out and he just sort of outfit that she had on. And he was telling me he thought, but she’s in a relationship now. She shouldn’t be dressed like that. I’m like. Really to dress like that before you. He’d like, but yeah, but she’s in a relationship now, so.
[00:15:10] You got to learn to accept people just as they are, as you guys know, and that’s what I said. That’s what love is accepted. People just as they are, if you can’t accept people just as they are, don’t get a relationship with him.
[00:15:21] That’s simple enough that she dresses like that. If you can’t handle that and your woman don’t date her.
[00:15:29] It’s that simple, you know, don’t make this stuff mystical, so anyway, but I think you guys get the point, don’t let rules decide your relationship, because it will it will keep you from possibly finding the right person for you. Oh, speaking of which, you’re breaking rules, too, because I was talking to someone today we’re talking about because she’s Hispanic and she was saying how, you know, she’s been told or her, you know, that she needs to marry Hispanic. And she’s like, why? What if the person that I find is not Hispanic and they’re like, well, you need to marry inside of the Hispanic culture. And these are things that I always personally laugh at, because if you tell a person that they’re being racist.
[00:16:20] Are there prejudice?
[00:16:23] And I’m probably going to hurt some feelings on this, but forgive me, you know, but hear me out. People will get offended when you say that. They’ll say, I’m not racist. I just prefer my culture. And I tell people, no, you’re racist. I had a gentleman that was he’d like to think he was from the like Iranian or something like that, and he was telling me he’s like me, for example. He said, I’m not racist. He said, but I would have a hard time if my daughter. Came home with a black man.
[00:16:53] He now he’s telling me this, he said with a black man, he said, but at the same time I’m saying if she came out with a white man, I want her to marry in our culture.
[00:17:01] This is not a culture issue. This is a racist issue, he’d like those culture.
[00:17:05] I said, So you’re telling me if I learn your culture and I start to practice your culture, it would be OK to date your daughter? Huh?
[00:17:15] Huh? No.
[00:17:19] Why, because of my skin color, that’s racist. People don’t want to hear that because they don’t like the connotation is tied to that.
[00:17:29] When I hear people say preference, I said preference is. It’s just me, it’s what you would prefer, but she doesn’t do you don’t shut the door on other options.
[00:17:41] Me, for example, and I think I shared this not too long ago, my preference when I was younger, my wife was going to be Hawaiian or black. And the reason for that is because I love brown karmal skin. Don’t know why I’m not trying to figure it out. It just is. I just love Brown Khamal skin. And I said that’s my preference. So if I had to pick, you know, if they just told go create the woman you want, you know, she to have certain featured which we could get into, but the skin color would be Karmal Brown. Well again, you guys know my wife was Japanese. She she was shorter. She was short. She didn’t have, you know, the features, you know, all the features that she had, but she didn’t have all the features I would be like or that’s a preference. A preference would be if I went and just created my own person. Because we all have that what we think we really want, but I made the decision based on the person that was right for me in every area, and I can let that stuff go. See, that’s how, you know, it’s a preference, a preference is something if you could create it. This is how it’s going to look like you had the dream car.
[00:18:54] You just go, this is how the car is going to look and it’s going ahead, isn’t it? Doesn’t it, as a preference? But then you go see another car and you go, Oh. That’s cool. I like that, and I think the one I picked. But that’s cool. I want that one. And so I don’t want you guys to take that wrong and like I feel like because I heard one guy talk about that, about that settling, he would have called what I did, settling in. It’s like it’s not settling. We got to understand what settling is. I found the woman that’s perfect for me as you guys hear me keep saying, it’s about the internal connection. It’s about the person that I know where I’m headed and she’s headed in the same direction as me. I mean, you could call it a spiritual connection, you know, vibrations, you know, whatever you want to call it. That’s not settling. That’s the person that lines up with me, the external stuff is what the world has told me to look for. That you don’t say, and so I’m not going to give up the true real connection, the meaning of what life is really about and will give me the real happiness that I truly want.
[00:20:13] Because of some preferences.
[00:20:17] And then we want to call that subtlely, folks, is not settling, settling is when you just go, well, I will never find that girl. [00:20:25] So I guess who.
[00:20:28] Folks, you guys have heard me. I told you the story of what pushed me over the edge with my wife, it’s I had a dream that I caught her cheating and I woke up in the middle of the night. My shirt was wet and my heart was beating fast. And I was like. Who you really love, this girl is like midnight, one o’clock in the morning, I called her up saying, I love you, I love you folks that I settlin. That’s a connection who I realized that’s the one.
[00:20:58] That’s not sadly.
[00:21:01] That was a preference that I had. You say, I’ll say it, but I didn’t let that block me. From what I really need in my life, and that’s what I did. So again, it’s not settling. So anyway, bottom line is, I hope you guys understand. That’s why I said don’t follow the rules. Don’t let anybody where you guys don’t kind of rebel in that sense anyway. So, you know, I’m to you don’t follow the rules and dating because I’m with you, don’t you know? And I’m not saying don’t follow rules. I’m not saying break rules. Break laws is not this. But you got to be willing to question things. And decide on if they work for you or not. For you or not, because the world for you or not, and then move accordingly, and as you guys know, it ain’t right and wrong. It is my opinion, so for those of you that we talk on Monday, I look forward to talking to you on self-love Monday. And then for those of you in relationships, I look forward to talk to you again next Thursday.
[00:22:00] Run over to simplify Myers online, dotcom again, Rossett by Myers online dotcom.
[00:22:06] You can see all the things that I’ve got going on. The major thing here, again, that I wanted to just talk about as folks go out, get clear what you want, what you’re looking for, or find someone that lines up with you. Don’t let anyone’s rules that they’ve created, which are really their perspectives on life and in general, do not let those things be your decision making.