Simplifying Lives Globally

The Story Behind – The Relationship Success Handbook

The Backstory:
After 32 years with the same Lady (Terri), I became a newly widowed guy, starting down a new path that I never wanted or imagined. I was left with new questions and thoughts as I was now evaluating my marriage. I needed answers so I wouldn’t have to carry any guilt or baggage into my future relationship.

The questions I struggled with was, “Did I show her how much I cared or did I take her for granted?” “Could I have caressed and held her hands more, contributed more financially?” I wanted to be at peace in my life and have no regrets. I knew this evaluating period, would allow me to make corrections in an area where I may have fallen short.

As I watched others that surrounded me, it didn’t help my answers, it made me question even more. I realized how most people were taking each other for granted. Watching them made me feel like maybe I had failed her and taken her for granted at times. It’s not that it was intentional, but when people are around us all the time, we forget to show them how significant they are in our lives. I remember the movie, 50 first dates. Can you imagine every day, when you saw your partner, you were excited to see them and treated them like it was a new experience? I am not talking about not recognizing your partner perspective, but the excitement of the connection that took place daily.

The problem I was facing was, there was nothing I could do to adjust what occurred in the past.

I was left with 2 options: 1) I could play the victim role and live in the “feel sorry for myself world”, because I couldn’t do anything about the past (unfortunately too many people choose this option) or 2) evaluate what could I do to make sure the future is better for the next Lady in my life.

Then, as if by chance, something amazing happened…

I stood at the window of my condo which pointed directly out at the water. I began to say out loud (yes, talking to myself) about the things I was grateful for (which included my current view of the ocean).

At the end of my grateful conversation, I made the statement, “Terri, if you ever have a want or desire to share insights with me, I am always open to your visits.”

That night, Terri came to me in a dream. The crazy part is she came as a friend. She made it clear to me that in my next relationship, I should be more patient and understanding. For those that are curious about how I knew she came as a friend? Throughout the dream I was thinking, I hear you, but how do we hook-up?

It was now crystal clear to me to stop worrying about something I have no control over. Terri allowed me to see that it is all about caring for others and is not something you do when you feel like it. You do it because it’s the right thing to do and it adds value. I am not here to tell people what to believe, but for me, she made it evident that she was at peace and there were no grudges or bad feelings (if those were thoughts of mine). She was making sure that I understood, it is always about looking out and helping others even when you are not going to be the person that benefits.

This made the desire to get my book completed, a driving force. I knew at that moment, I could make an impact on my readers.

This internal conversation brought an awareness, that the only thing you do have control over is your perspectives and your present moment.

As a result, I began to organize my thoughts and planning out the process for writing my book.

This decision allowed me to start to feel better about myself and my future path.

Suddenly, I was positioning myself to add value to others.

The Plan:
My plan was to start and complete the book, believing it would lead to appearances at different venues.

So I started by attending an event with a publisher that would help me to actually create and market the book.

I signed up for the program.

After that, we worked on the game plan to fund the project.

But there was still a problem…

The Conflict:
Going with this publisher, there was a hefty price tag to get the project complete: $45,000. I paid half of the money into the program but the balance was the stumbling block. Without the project being paid off, the decision to complete the book was put on hold. Now the publisher had a game plan for me to get the funding, which was to get sponsors to buy a certain number of my books and in return, I would market for them. The concept was great, but I couldn’t get myself to pull the trigger. I spoke with a few people and the results weren’t what I was looking for. I convinced myself that I didn’t want to partner with someone just because they were willing to purchase books from me and I would market for them in exchange. The reluctance on my behalf caused the time period to complete the agreement with the publisher, to expire (2 years). I was able to get them to extend the time for 6 more months but still couldn’t get myself to get the sponsors. I had about 8 people that had pre-ordered this book and it had been more than a year since they pre-ordered. So I didn’t use the 6-month extension.

The Achievement:
I ended up getting so frustrated that I decided to self publish. The book not being published was taking a hit to my integrity. I believe in being a person of my word and this project was keeping me out of integrity. So I felt I needed to get it done and just forget what I had invested with the publisher. I owed those 8 people – a book.

I chose to call it “The Relationship Success Handbook – Get Rid of Your Problems Not Your Partner (the title did actually come from the publisher). He came up with the title after I shared with him all the obstacles that Terri and I had gone through, dealing with family members that were going to disown because we were dating (her being Japanese and me being Black), we went through acquiring and losing homes, bankruptcy, couldn’t have kids, she fought cancer for 17 years and ultimately I lost her to that cancer. So the title was obvious to him and made sense to me once he said it.

After publishing the book, it is now in Kindle, Paperback and Audible. I started a podcast with the help of Anchor and daily podcast (Encouragement of ClickFunnels). I am currently putting together a training course, webinar, and clothing line (coming soon).

I can now see all of my desires moving from the Dream process to the Creation process.

And in the end, all of this means I’m now able to help a lot more people achieve their dream of loving themselves and creating relationships that work all because we made the decision to get the book complete and doors can now be allowed to open.